A double rainbow exploded with vibrant prismatic colors upon dark indigo rain clouds. In the glow of the setting sun, trees and grass lush with spring growth enhanced the pallet of colors with their soft pale and deepening greens. A crab apple tree’s pure white blossoms with its sweet spicy scent mingled with the aroma of fresh rainfall enriching my senses so long deprived by a cold winter.
It seems I have never seen such a splendid springtime in my life. Is it so beautiful and lush because of the excessive moisture of the previous fall and spring? Or is this spring so much more precious because of the harsh weather conditions and the turmoil faced in the past 9 months? One thing I do know for certain, this spring I have thanked God for each and every sunny day and every gale force wind that helped dry the soil. Thanks are given for the freshly planted fields of corn soon to sprout in the fertile earth, dark with recent tillage and smelling of rich intoxicating earth scent.
I also thank God daily for my family and friends – near and far, you are all angels bearing faith, healing, hope and laughter. I am eternally grateful to all of you and want to thank you for bearing with me during my time of loss. Your words of sympathy from so many corners of the world strengthened me and helped ease my troubled soul.
After the loss of Al, I mourned deeply…so deep I was not sure if it would end. I let my tears flow freely but I also pushed myself to ride and work with my other horses, knowing full well their strength would help me heal. Now I find myself feeling hopeful anticipation, excitement and a profound thankfulness for all that is about me. Al is still performing his miracles from above.
I feel a deeper sense of appreciation for each day, each flower, and each blade of grass that turns green with the warming sun. The noisy chatter of the birds and contrasting silence of the horses as I stand with them scratching their itches fills my ears. Horses have a silent language which speaks loudly of their desires and feelings. The pleasure of just the right spot being scratched shown by an outstretched head and quivering lip to the evil eye of Harley as he begrudgingly lets me rub suntan lotion onto his pink sunburned nose. I laugh at his glare and he forgives me when I apologize with a hug and a scratch.
Today, I found the strength to read my words written shortly after Al’s death and once again the tears flowed freely. Words my son said a few years ago came to mind. We had just had to put JD down, out first horse we had owned for 23 years. That day, I questioned why I have animals as I become so attached and the loss is so hard on me. Kyle remarked kindly, “Mom, that is what makes you the person you are.” Yes the loss is hard, but all the years of love, care and kindness makes me whole…it makes me ME.
I am a firm believer that people such as all of you (and my animals) enter your life for a reason…. you are God-sent angels who supported me and carried me during my time of need. I am back on the right path and being guided by the hand of God towards an unknown destination – one which I go to freely and eagerly. So many wonderful things await me and time is precious. There is much to do.
